Never the Right Words

Well I admit it .. this blog has been unfairly neglected.  So much is going on right now, way too many things to list.  Some days I truly feel like I am in the middle of a tornado ... where's my Auntie Em?  Cuz I just wanna go home!  The past 2 weeks have brought lots of changes, tears, smiles within those tears, frustration, and self reflection.  It has brought me to my knees, which is exactly where God intends for me to be right now.  Tonight ended with a reality I already knew but needed a big reminder of ... although God cares about my problems he hurts for so many more than me.  How does he handle this?  I know the hurt I feel sometimes and it is deafening.  His love spreads so wide it baffles the imagination.  Tonight my heart broke as I heard about the loss of one of His children, but at the same time I realize that this little man is in a much better place.  A place where his body moves freely, where his words are understood, where he is no longer "trapped".  On my trip to Guatemala I had the privilege of meeting Jo Jo.  A 14 year old boy barely bigger than my 5 year old son.  Jo Jo suffered from CP, dwarfism, and hydrocephalus.  Treatment was withheld from him and his suffering was painful ... yesterday his suffering ended and now he is in the hands of his loving Father.  I should feel joy that he is with Jesus but the human part of me wept tonight as my son and I prayed for Jo Jo's family and all of the other children in Guatemala, and around the world, who are dying each day.  As we prayed I said a prayer within a prayer .. "Lord, let these be the right words.  Help me explain to Bennett the need and the calling.  And Lord, please don't let him ask too much about Jo Jo's passing because I do not think I can handle explaining it to him right yet."  I feel as if I never have the right words ... in this situation and many others as of late.  Maybe this is an indication that I need to talk less and listen more.  Just a few days ago I thought about changing the name of this blog ... now I know it is not the right time. 

I am privileged to have known you Jonathan Joel Gamaro ... I can still feel the kisses I gave you on that Sunday morning .. I hope you heard my prayers .. I hope you know you matter to me and were a part of changing my life.  Thank you ... Love!