Enough is Enough!

Enough is enough!  You ever feel this way?  I have been grimacing this mantra for months now but not really doing much about it.  Well no more!  I am puttin' my big girl panties on, yes you all know what I'm talking about, and moving on.  Leaving petty issues and hurts behind me and looking forward seeking God's will, no one else.  Not mine nor other people who want things their way or the highway.  It's not meant to be rude, it's just true.  I'm here to live my life for my savior and in doing so He will take care of the rest!  I'm going to write more, read more, love more, learn more ... AND ... blog more!  Poor girl, she's been neglected lately.  I've got lots abrewin' and when I really boil things down, all in my life is exactly how God wants it and I'm more than content with that.  Until next time, Happy Fall!  Take joy in the bounty God has provided and in His beautiful earth this time of year!
Mara

Never the Right Words

Well I admit it .. this blog has been unfairly neglected.  So much is going on right now, way too many things to list.  Some days I truly feel like I am in the middle of a tornado ... where's my Auntie Em?  Cuz I just wanna go home!  The past 2 weeks have brought lots of changes, tears, smiles within those tears, frustration, and self reflection.  It has brought me to my knees, which is exactly where God intends for me to be right now.  Tonight ended with a reality I already knew but needed a big reminder of ... although God cares about my problems he hurts for so many more than me.  How does he handle this?  I know the hurt I feel sometimes and it is deafening.  His love spreads so wide it baffles the imagination.  Tonight my heart broke as I heard about the loss of one of His children, but at the same time I realize that this little man is in a much better place.  A place where his body moves freely, where his words are understood, where he is no longer "trapped".  On my trip to Guatemala I had the privilege of meeting Jo Jo.  A 14 year old boy barely bigger than my 5 year old son.  Jo Jo suffered from CP, dwarfism, and hydrocephalus.  Treatment was withheld from him and his suffering was painful ... yesterday his suffering ended and now he is in the hands of his loving Father.  I should feel joy that he is with Jesus but the human part of me wept tonight as my son and I prayed for Jo Jo's family and all of the other children in Guatemala, and around the world, who are dying each day.  As we prayed I said a prayer within a prayer .. "Lord, let these be the right words.  Help me explain to Bennett the need and the calling.  And Lord, please don't let him ask too much about Jo Jo's passing because I do not think I can handle explaining it to him right yet."  I feel as if I never have the right words ... in this situation and many others as of late.  Maybe this is an indication that I need to talk less and listen more.  Just a few days ago I thought about changing the name of this blog ... now I know it is not the right time. 

I am privileged to have known you Jonathan Joel Gamaro ... I can still feel the kisses I gave you on that Sunday morning .. I hope you heard my prayers .. I hope you know you matter to me and were a part of changing my life.  Thank you ... Love!

Summer of Emotions

Wow ~ this past 2 months have flown by and I'm still standing here with dust in my eyes!  I don't particularly like this state of affairs, but what can I really do about it?  Nothing except try to regroup, get organized as my life's about to change in a big way, and catch up on my neglected blog.  It's only 9 days until I send my baby off to the big world of Kindergarten (GULP) and in thinking about this I of course go all teary-eyed.  This summer has been emotional to say the least.  A lovely, yet too short visit with Bennett's bio sis and her new sis, Niaka, from Haiti.  A 10 day life changing, still hard to talk about, trip to Guatemala where I spent time with some of God's most precious children and unexpectedly got to travel with another missionary to see the village where my son was born.  W-O-W .. that's a post I can't yet bring myself to write but hope to soon!  For now I am just trying to dry my tears and listen for what opportunities God is handing me now that I'll have some free time on my hands.  Of course I know that "free" time will fill up quickly with soccer, and quizzing, and school events, and homework, and on and on and on however I am trying to "declutter" our life calendar so that we can focus on what's really important; serving with J.O.Y. ... Jesus, others, yourself. 
Without going into a lot of my trip I wanted to post pics of our latest visit with sis.  Yes she has a name, Alondra, but we all just call her "sis" around here.  Of course each visit is wonderful, exciting, and special!  I try to take as many pictures as humanly possible until the kiddos start hollering at me to stop.  I don't know how long these visits will last, as we will leave it up to them when they are older, but I know as long as I have any say they'll always be a part of each other's lives.  But we never know what tomorrow holds so I try to capture as much as I can.  As special as the pictures were before, they became even more special to me after coming home from Guatemala.  Driving through Bennett's village, a deep reality (one that I thought I already knew) hit me .. it is a true gift that God has given our family in knowing his sister and being able to spend time with her.  Yes he is my son but he does have a past, a story, a birth family, a line and these are things I never want to keep quiet or keep from him.  He has a sister and he loves her with all of his heart, and she him.  I realize even more how important it is that I keep him part of that story .. you wouldn't start a book at chapter 2.  You would miss too much and the rest of the story wouldn't make as much sense.  She is part of his chapter 1; a chapter that is riveting, full of love and laughter, a bit confusing and tearful at times, but worth every word, every line, every minute!  I love her as much as I do him .. She is my son's sister, how can I not love her completely? It's impossible.  For some that might sound confusing or "unfair" to Bennett but I believe that us loving her as we do him is comforting to Bennett.  It shows him that we love every part of him.  Someone asked me after telling them of my adventure to see Bennett's village, "Why would you want to see that?"  Why wouldn't I?  It's another connection I have towards him and his birth family.  My question is "Who wouldn't want to see where their child first entered the world?"  God gave me a once in a lifetime opportunity and as scared as I was it was important for me to go.  I still have a hard time talking about it face to face with people but it has also helped "ready" me for the days to come.  Knowing that God would have protected him there and He will protect him here just the same. 
Until our next visit with sis, I pray protection over my children.  I pray God gives them opportunities to SHINE (Share His Incredible News Everywhere), to love, to serve, and to connect even deeper with each other.  I pray that Bennett grows closer with Niaka ... which is a relationship he is still a bit confused about and rightly so; "Sis is my sister and Niaka is her sister but Niaka isn't my sister?  Huh?"  Exactly! 
Lord, help us explain that one when the time is right but for now just let them be kids and love one another without boundaries of color, or whose parents are whose, or where so-and-so was born, or distance between them.  Just let them keep smiling - because that makes my heart smile!

Honestly, these 2 faces just make my heart dance!

Just a regular brother and sister pickin' on each other.  Though usually it's sis, he's just goes along for the ride, happy as a lark!

The 3 most beautiful kids I know - I'm so lucky to have one call me "momma" and the others be in my life! 

Bennett Carlos, Niaka, & Alondra

HELP!

Ok, well it's been over a month since my last post.  I have been wanting to upload pics from my ministry trip to Guatemala and share how God has changed my heart ever since I returned.  Of course life has gotten in the way and now that I have sat down to start blogging away, I have some error message floating around on my blog and my beautiful side border is gone!!!  WHY???  Can anyone out there help me???  Honestly, this is going to eat at me if I don't get it fixed.  Please leave comments if you are a blogger out there who knows how to fix this. 

Until then ~ take care!

My Heart's Dream

Today this post will  be short, simple, and photoless.  I am leaving in a few hours for a 9 day missions trip to my son's birthcountry of Guatemala.  Since bringing him home 5 years ago it has been my heart's dream to go back and minister to and love the children who feel unloved, unwanted, and unimportant.  They are not!  I love them, many others do as well, and most importantly God loves them! 
John 4:34 says that Jesus said to them, "My food is to do the will of Him who sent Me, and to finish His work." 
I pray that God uses me to be His hands and feet and to share and show His amazing love to these beautiful, special, priceless children!!!  I can't wait to share God's great news when I return! 

God is So Good!

Today is special!  You may not know it or understand why but I do.  I feel it more and more with each passing day, each passing year.  5 years ago today, my husband and I stood in a hotel in Guatemala City, Guatemala waiting for the first "in person" gaze at our son.  The first touch of his skin on ours.  The first kiss to plant on his lips.  I still shake with emotion just thinking about it.  This is us with the his foster mother Paulina.  What a blessing she is!  God's angel to look after him until we could bring him home.  I love her. 

So much has changed since this picture.  So many sleepless nights, so many milestones, so many celebrations.  Now that he is 5 we have also experienced the "trying" 3's, 4's, and "full of attitude" 5's!  In the past 6 months or so we have experienced some difficult talks, some which we were not as prepared for as we thought.  Adoption is special .. I fully believe that!  The brutal truth is though that it can be hard and confusing for children and believe me, they "feel" more than we think they do or expect them to at this young age.  Those feelings I cannot "fix", nor do I believe I should want to.  They are his hearts emotions and although they tear me in two sometimes, he is entitled to them.  This is him now.

He has the most beautiful smile!  (Keep your daughters away!)

He is a total riot!  He says so many off-the-wall, funny things that I could probably write a book!

 

He is a complete ham!

I'm pretty sure most days we are raising a super hero.  He truly thinks he is THE Red Power Ranger!

He is the most amazing gift God could have ever planned for our family!

So often we want to "plan" our lives.  If this had happened in our case, we may not have been privileged to become Bennett's parents.  Each time I stop and truly think about God's plan for this child and bringing him into this world to be our son, I well up with tears.  No plan that we could have thought up or prepared for would have been as great as God's!  He is so good!  Today we celebrate God's love for our family, for His son that we have the honor of raising and loving, for Bennett's birth family and their unbelievable sacrifice and immeasurable love, for his foster family for their love and nurturing of Bennett, and for our son himself. 

Bennett Carlos Chacon Farmer, this is from your mommy.  I am more than humbled by being in your life.  There are no words to describe the amount of love I feel for you.  God so loved the world that He gave his only son ... and He so loved your dad and I that He gave us you!  For both, we are forever thankful.  You brighten my days even when you are being mischievous!  Your smile lights up a room!  Right now you don't fully understand the amount of people who truly love you but I hope to one day be able to help you feel that love.  You are a child of God.  You are part of His kingdom.  Lean on Him, live for Him, love Him.  He will forever love you, as will I! 

About to Bust!

Well, here she is.  My beautiful clematis.  When she blooms she'll be popping with color ... a deep midnight purple and a soft lavender.  Unfortunately she'll be blooming only on one side because she's gotten HUGE and the husband hasn't created a way to "lift" her up.  I keep stressing to him how important it is for a lady to be "lifted" ... if you know what I mean?!  Long story short ... he doesn't get it.  Anyways, I will post pictures once she's full of pretty little petals.  Until then, I pray she doesn't rip the old iron gate from the wall because she's about to bust!

On the homefront I have LOTS to post in the coming days!  We've had many "life" updates, wonderful outings to smile and share about, and some new uncertainties that have crossed our path.  Through it all, God continues to bless us, guide us, and give us a full and complete peace about where we are right now, today.  It feels good!