A Good Spiritual Slap

I stumbled across something today that stung my heart a bit.  I wallowed, I whined, I sassed a little ... and then the Lord does what only He can do and spiritually, yet lovingly, slapped me into reality.  I have nothing to be upset over!  I have everything to rejoice in!  In Him I am precious, unconditionally loved, forgiven and He gives me limitless possibilities.  I won't waste them on pettiness or hurt.  I'm thankful for so many things ... way too many to list.  Lately when I have trouble finding peace about certain things or how to handle lifes little annoyances I've been asking myself "what would I tell Bennett?"  Am I living the life I want him to live?  Am I handling situations with Christ 1st and self 2nd?  I am preparing a spirit of forgiveness in him; to strive daily to live in peace with everyone?  If I'm not ... shame on me!  Cultivating Christlike qualities in him is my responsibility.  And let's face it, children learn what they live.  And for this sweet face I want all God has to offer him and a true, deep love for the Lord!!! 

A Lovely Afternoon

So this is a bit late but better late than never ... they say.  Sometimes I beg to differ with that statement. 

Ok, for just a minute I'm going to divert.  I am currently sitting @ my favorite coffee shop in Troy updating my blog off course and cringing as I can't help but overhear these 2 women sitting beside me.  I say can't help because they are loud.  Sorry, but the truth hurts.  They are currently talking about the disgust in being seen in The Dollar Tree, Goodwill, and second hand stores.  Really?  Am I seriously here right now?  Maybe it's me or my mood but come on people!!!  Kids across this world, adults too, or around the corner from our own houses would give life and limb for our everyday indulgences.  Nothing is too little for them .. they don't know "brand name" stores, they don't know "secondhand", they don't know "bargains".  I pray for these two right now that God will open their hearts to what breaks His.  I pray they see that avoiding places because you don't want to be seen there is, for lack of better verbage, UTTERLY RIDICULOUS!  The only place we should be worried about being seen is in front of our heavenly father if we haven't accepted Him as our all-in-all, or have turned our backs on His word.  I pray that God gives me the strength to refrain from saying the things my sinful mouth sometimes spouts out .. that instead I find encouraging, yet truthful, words of love that may open their eyes.  Oh boy ... this is a doozy of a situation!

Ok, on to a lighter topic for which I was excited about blogging about.  A few weekends ago, my beautiful friend Alison and I, took off for the afternoon.  This be her.  Isn't she cute!

There's nothing like spending time with one of your oldest and truest friends.  You know what I'm talking about.  The ones that no matter what are always there.  Whether it's been a week since you last talked or months.  It always feels comfy.  Conversation is easy, honest, uplifting, and truthful.  It just can't be beat.
Then you add antiques and flea finds nestled in a beautiful woods with inspiration all around ... wowee!

These are just a few of the fabo displays.  So much to look at .. so much to buy.  But we were good, we were.  I of course forgot to take pics of the loot but Ali came home with a beautiful framed chalkboard and some too-adorable posies for Miss Carly Noodle's flowing locks.  I came home with a 1950's chunky vintage bracelet in the most stunning shade of green you ever saw - yay!!!!
And because I want to be as cute as she is, I had to have my mug taken with the vintage truck as well.

Now, I will say that this isn't the most horrible picture of me.  However, I don't know why I chose to stand where I did ...  Wait, of course I have always wanted my picture taken in front of a porta-john .. I mean come on, haven't you???  Anywho, despite the ugly background, the day turned out to be a lovely afternoon!

Falling Back into Bad Habits

Each year we live in this cycle .. seasons come and go .. out with the old and in with the new .. and for me at least, I start out with good intentions but find myself falling back into bad habits.  Just a few short months ago I was on my knees, thousands of miles outside my comfort zone, in a dark and frighteningly chilly orphanage for children with special needs.  I was broken, angry, confused.  They were beautiful, wonderful, loving.  Their faces staring through me, or at least I thought.  After a few days I realized that they weren't staring through me but at me .. begging me to be God's hands and feet .. to do something other than weep .. to help change their situation and the future of other children in their circumstance.  I left with more determination than ever .. on a mission .. yet here I am months later having done very little.  I've thought lots and prayed lots and had lots of conversations with God telling Him "You can't mean for me to do that ... You can't mean for it to be me ... I can't Lord" and so on and so forth.  I've given myself reprive on splurging on the "little things"; being reminded lately that those gourmet coffees not only add up but each one can do so much in God's kingdom, in my son's birthcountry, and a million other places.  How can I not break these bad habits?  How can I not care?  "Well I course you care Mara!" is what I keep telling myself.  But at what cost do I care?  Do I allow my heart to break for the things that break God's heart?  Dare I go there or is it just too scary?  Well I am going there .. it is what God asks of me and though I know I'll fall short along the way .. He will pick me back up, tell me to dust myself off and keep going.  I long for the day I can return to Guatemala, or wherever He sends me, and I can bring Him to others and they can help bring me closer to Him.  Things happened there for me; things I can never describe in words.  Seeing my son's village, realizing the life he may have had to bear, the life that for some reason God spared him from, to be my child, lil' ole me .. why him, why us?  Because He loves my husband and I and because He loves Bennett and planned for him to be our child.  I can never forget that .. I can never let myself fall back into bad habits of being "comfortable" and not feeling and seeing what's around me.  Whether it be in the remote jungle villages in Guatemala or across the street.  So as this new season rolls in I pray for a renewing of my heart and mind .. to carry His cross.  To realize the petty things that bother me or happen to me are just that .. petty, pointless, a waste of emotional energy in comparison to what others are facing.  A new season is upon us .. I will be thankful for every moment, every opportunity, every calling.

I took over 400 pics in 9 days.  These are just a few beautiful faces to drive me and remind me of God's love and calling.

Enough is Enough!

Enough is enough!  You ever feel this way?  I have been grimacing this mantra for months now but not really doing much about it.  Well no more!  I am puttin' my big girl panties on, yes you all know what I'm talking about, and moving on.  Leaving petty issues and hurts behind me and looking forward seeking God's will, no one else.  Not mine nor other people who want things their way or the highway.  It's not meant to be rude, it's just true.  I'm here to live my life for my savior and in doing so He will take care of the rest!  I'm going to write more, read more, love more, learn more ... AND ... blog more!  Poor girl, she's been neglected lately.  I've got lots abrewin' and when I really boil things down, all in my life is exactly how God wants it and I'm more than content with that.  Until next time, Happy Fall!  Take joy in the bounty God has provided and in His beautiful earth this time of year!
Mara

Never the Right Words

Well I admit it .. this blog has been unfairly neglected.  So much is going on right now, way too many things to list.  Some days I truly feel like I am in the middle of a tornado ... where's my Auntie Em?  Cuz I just wanna go home!  The past 2 weeks have brought lots of changes, tears, smiles within those tears, frustration, and self reflection.  It has brought me to my knees, which is exactly where God intends for me to be right now.  Tonight ended with a reality I already knew but needed a big reminder of ... although God cares about my problems he hurts for so many more than me.  How does he handle this?  I know the hurt I feel sometimes and it is deafening.  His love spreads so wide it baffles the imagination.  Tonight my heart broke as I heard about the loss of one of His children, but at the same time I realize that this little man is in a much better place.  A place where his body moves freely, where his words are understood, where he is no longer "trapped".  On my trip to Guatemala I had the privilege of meeting Jo Jo.  A 14 year old boy barely bigger than my 5 year old son.  Jo Jo suffered from CP, dwarfism, and hydrocephalus.  Treatment was withheld from him and his suffering was painful ... yesterday his suffering ended and now he is in the hands of his loving Father.  I should feel joy that he is with Jesus but the human part of me wept tonight as my son and I prayed for Jo Jo's family and all of the other children in Guatemala, and around the world, who are dying each day.  As we prayed I said a prayer within a prayer .. "Lord, let these be the right words.  Help me explain to Bennett the need and the calling.  And Lord, please don't let him ask too much about Jo Jo's passing because I do not think I can handle explaining it to him right yet."  I feel as if I never have the right words ... in this situation and many others as of late.  Maybe this is an indication that I need to talk less and listen more.  Just a few days ago I thought about changing the name of this blog ... now I know it is not the right time. 

I am privileged to have known you Jonathan Joel Gamaro ... I can still feel the kisses I gave you on that Sunday morning .. I hope you heard my prayers .. I hope you know you matter to me and were a part of changing my life.  Thank you ... Love!

Summer of Emotions

Wow ~ this past 2 months have flown by and I'm still standing here with dust in my eyes!  I don't particularly like this state of affairs, but what can I really do about it?  Nothing except try to regroup, get organized as my life's about to change in a big way, and catch up on my neglected blog.  It's only 9 days until I send my baby off to the big world of Kindergarten (GULP) and in thinking about this I of course go all teary-eyed.  This summer has been emotional to say the least.  A lovely, yet too short visit with Bennett's bio sis and her new sis, Niaka, from Haiti.  A 10 day life changing, still hard to talk about, trip to Guatemala where I spent time with some of God's most precious children and unexpectedly got to travel with another missionary to see the village where my son was born.  W-O-W .. that's a post I can't yet bring myself to write but hope to soon!  For now I am just trying to dry my tears and listen for what opportunities God is handing me now that I'll have some free time on my hands.  Of course I know that "free" time will fill up quickly with soccer, and quizzing, and school events, and homework, and on and on and on however I am trying to "declutter" our life calendar so that we can focus on what's really important; serving with J.O.Y. ... Jesus, others, yourself. 
Without going into a lot of my trip I wanted to post pics of our latest visit with sis.  Yes she has a name, Alondra, but we all just call her "sis" around here.  Of course each visit is wonderful, exciting, and special!  I try to take as many pictures as humanly possible until the kiddos start hollering at me to stop.  I don't know how long these visits will last, as we will leave it up to them when they are older, but I know as long as I have any say they'll always be a part of each other's lives.  But we never know what tomorrow holds so I try to capture as much as I can.  As special as the pictures were before, they became even more special to me after coming home from Guatemala.  Driving through Bennett's village, a deep reality (one that I thought I already knew) hit me .. it is a true gift that God has given our family in knowing his sister and being able to spend time with her.  Yes he is my son but he does have a past, a story, a birth family, a line and these are things I never want to keep quiet or keep from him.  He has a sister and he loves her with all of his heart, and she him.  I realize even more how important it is that I keep him part of that story .. you wouldn't start a book at chapter 2.  You would miss too much and the rest of the story wouldn't make as much sense.  She is part of his chapter 1; a chapter that is riveting, full of love and laughter, a bit confusing and tearful at times, but worth every word, every line, every minute!  I love her as much as I do him .. She is my son's sister, how can I not love her completely? It's impossible.  For some that might sound confusing or "unfair" to Bennett but I believe that us loving her as we do him is comforting to Bennett.  It shows him that we love every part of him.  Someone asked me after telling them of my adventure to see Bennett's village, "Why would you want to see that?"  Why wouldn't I?  It's another connection I have towards him and his birth family.  My question is "Who wouldn't want to see where their child first entered the world?"  God gave me a once in a lifetime opportunity and as scared as I was it was important for me to go.  I still have a hard time talking about it face to face with people but it has also helped "ready" me for the days to come.  Knowing that God would have protected him there and He will protect him here just the same. 
Until our next visit with sis, I pray protection over my children.  I pray God gives them opportunities to SHINE (Share His Incredible News Everywhere), to love, to serve, and to connect even deeper with each other.  I pray that Bennett grows closer with Niaka ... which is a relationship he is still a bit confused about and rightly so; "Sis is my sister and Niaka is her sister but Niaka isn't my sister?  Huh?"  Exactly! 
Lord, help us explain that one when the time is right but for now just let them be kids and love one another without boundaries of color, or whose parents are whose, or where so-and-so was born, or distance between them.  Just let them keep smiling - because that makes my heart smile!

Honestly, these 2 faces just make my heart dance!

Just a regular brother and sister pickin' on each other.  Though usually it's sis, he's just goes along for the ride, happy as a lark!

The 3 most beautiful kids I know - I'm so lucky to have one call me "momma" and the others be in my life! 

Bennett Carlos, Niaka, & Alondra

HELP!

Ok, well it's been over a month since my last post.  I have been wanting to upload pics from my ministry trip to Guatemala and share how God has changed my heart ever since I returned.  Of course life has gotten in the way and now that I have sat down to start blogging away, I have some error message floating around on my blog and my beautiful side border is gone!!!  WHY???  Can anyone out there help me???  Honestly, this is going to eat at me if I don't get it fixed.  Please leave comments if you are a blogger out there who knows how to fix this. 

Until then ~ take care!